Complications with Hydrocephalus revisions

I feel incredibly down right now. I am angry and sad and feel betrayed. I have hydrocephalus and have had 8 surgeries this year.12 in the past year. In one of the operations they drilled a burr hole in my skull to  get to a piece of old infection-filled catheter.  Since this surgery as time goes on I've been in increasing pain on my left side of my head and in the burr hole. I have more pain everyday. A neurosurgeon I came to meet in the ER at my local hospital suggested placing a titanium plate to cover the burr hole. I thought when he suggested this he meant that this would help with my pain. Turns out it will more than likely increase my pain. So suddenly I have no viable options and am still in screaming pain, especially when I lay on my left side. When I lay on my pillow it spreads to the entire left half of my face. 

So here I sit on my couch feeling hopeless and sad, teary eyed and all. 

On Loss

First off I didn't understand this whole blog stuff when I made this so sorry for the title, that was only supposed to be one post for a scholarship. Not the title to my whole blog. Loss is something you cannot explain even if you've experienced it. I've withstood so much pain, and felt so incredibly low with loss. I think that's the only way to explain it, just how you felt with the experience. I don't think it can be defined. Every one's view is different and cannot be compared to others. Attempting to compare one loss to another is offensive and rude in my opinion. A couple of years ago I was attending a grief group and a member of the group told me that she has had a harder time because she's experienced more deaths. It cannot be compared by the number of deaths experienced or the closeness of the relationship with the person. Not sure why I'm writing about this, probably because I ran into that woman today. She acted like she didn't remember how she knew me but, damn how could she forget. I walked out of that group after letting her know how shitty of a person she was for attempting to tell me that because I had only lost one person, she had more loss and it was more painful...Complete and utter FAIL!

End of rant.